Let They Who are Without Sin Cast The First Stone!

 

 Tigers Woods Confesses His Sins

 

I often wondered what the A in sportscaster Steven A’s name means.  Now I know: Asshole!  Of all the asinine, self righteous, pompous commentators who have weighed in on the Tiger Woods affair – or affairs to be accurate – none is more annoying than Steven A.  Donning his fake masque of indignation that he seems able to pull out of his bag of tricks at will, like a clown who can cry on cue, his condemnation of Tiger was merciless.   Little Steve’s pious posture and rhetorical chastisement of the great golfer was way over the top.  

Listening to him talk, I got the impression that he is so desperate to get off the sidelines – where recently he has been consigned to riding the pine – and back into the big time media game he will do anything to bring attention to himself.  And giving up the head of golf’s main man seems to be part of his putrid plan.  To listen to this guy you would think Tiger was accused of committing mass murder…like Dirty Dick Cheney, about whom he had little or nothing to say in his ill fated appearances as a news commentator on MSNBC, where he offered embarrasingly simple mind opinions.    Hence I wonder how much of his rant is inspired by plain old jealousy; since Steve’s performance in his field is mediocre at best, perhaps he’s just a diabolical hater!

But while Stevie may be at the bottom of the barrel of mediocre haters in the media – many of whom would gladly have traded places with Tiger in the boudoirs of those alabaster hotties he was stroking – he is not alone in his pious condemnations of the great golfer.  Some of the golfing press announced that they were boycotting Tiger’s press conference because he was not taking questions.  Well, as a reporter, that strikes me as cutting off your nose to spite your face.  This story is so big they cannot ignore it without risking the wrath of their editors and readers, who may wish to have a first hand account of the mood and atmosphere in the room, or what others in attendance might have been thinking.

As for Tiger’s performance, it reminded me of the occasion when the King of England presented himself to the Archbishop of Canterbury to endure a public flogging for his sins.  Although he was sad and humble, he was also stiff as a stuffed turkey and it was obvious his every word was seriously considered and carefully crafted.  He would be a fool to have done it otherwise.  Hence the skeptical observer might well wonder if he was really feeling contrite or was secretly wishing the earth would open up and swallow his inquisitors. 

After all, its really none of any of our business.   Like he eventually said, this is really a matter between Tiger and his wife.   Yet he apologized to everybody but Pete the Tramp; which he really didn’t have to do.   Hence the thoughtful observer must need wonder if he was rendering his apology with an eye toward salvaging his endorsement deals.  But no worry, for as Karl Marx correctly point out: ‘The capitalists will sell the hangman the rope to hang them with…if they believe they can turn a profit!

In any case, I am not so shocked or scandalized to learn that Tiger was laying pipe outside the house.  After all, it’s not as if he is a child molester, in his failing he has fared no worse that David, Samson and Solomon: three of the greatest men in the bible.  And he is following in the footsteps of many a pious Republican politician. That’s why I was incredulous when a self-righteous Republican putz advised Tiger to turn to Christianity for salvation from his sinful ways, since professions of faith in Christian dogma obviously hadn’t saved them!   

Hence it was a highpoint for me when Tiger announced that he was turning to the Buddist teachings of his beloved mother to find solace for his cheating heart. It seems that the Republicans, like many of the media wags throwing stones, have forgotten the wisdom of the old adage: “People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones!”

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Harlem, New York

February 2110

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