The Brawl for it All!

 
 It’s On!  It’s Obama Time!!!

 An Open Letter to President Obama

Yo Chilly B!  Can we conversate for a minute.  You in a real fight Dog.  Debate is a form of verbal pugilism, so think like a fighter!  You gotta smash this chump tonight.  Kick the niceties to the curb, jump on that lyin low life sucka, and beat his ass down to tha ground!   Last time you came for an evening of polite conversation, a genteel sparring match where you would gracefully outfox your challenger and win on points.  But the other guy decided to fight dirty and caught you off guard.

Last time you seemed to channel Sweet Saoul Mamby – the master boxer from the Bronx that the late writer and boxing aficionado Jack New field said was harder to hit than the lotto jackpot, who out boxed Roberto Duran but lost the decision.  This time take a lesson from Aaron the Hawk Pryor: attack, throw blows from all directions non-stop, slip Mitts feeble attempts to counterpunch and cut off the ring every time he attempts to retreat…let the chump know he can run but he can’t hide.

I know your handlers filled yo head up with foolishness about sitting on yo lead and acting “presidential.” They figured you the Champ and the people already loved you; so all you had to do was maintain your cool and hold on to the love and your lead.  And they told you to avoid the appearance of arrogance at all cost, because if you appeared to be condescending and trying to humiliate your opponent you could win the fight but lose the love!

However they forgot to tell you that Americans are very fickle and they love a winner.  Many of them don’t even care how you win…so long as you win!  I know this is offensive to a principled man like yourself who always plays by the rules, especially since you came into the fight knowing Mitt couldn’t win cause of the moral and intellectual shape he was in, and you couldn’t lose cause of the science you use!

You were well prepared for the bout and had every reason to believe that The Mittster couldn’t hit you with a hand full of rice.  You could see all the flaws in his game and the gaping holes in his defense.  And you figured the referee would keep everybody honest; which means that feints, false moves and missed shots would be called as such and scored accordingly!

Not so!   The other guy came to win by any means, like they do in the private equity game, including playing dirty and breaking all the rules.  And the referee – an over the hill pootbutt who turned out to be blind, deaf and dumb – let the joker get away with sucker punches on the breaks and hitting below the belt.

But now you got a rematch, a chance to redeem yourself.  So take some advice from an old warrior who has never lost a bout on the podium in over half a century…and I’ve done battle with a lot tougher opponents than that jive pile of Mitt.  First of all take the true measure of your opponent: you are the champ he is a chump.  He wants what what you got and you gotta make him take it.  Maintain your cool at all cost; protect yourself at all times; roll with the punches and make him pay for every false move; beat his butt til it ropes like okra; think wipe out: Louis Schmeling II.  And enter the match like you wanna kill a mosquito with a hatchet!!!!

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Playthell G. Benjamin

Harlem, New York

October 16, 2012

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